(It's not even real beer)

Yesterday, the bicentennial Penguin League Trophy was - once more - won by Antarctica. For the seventh time since the Trophy was organized, those birdlike creatures conquered what legitimately is theirs. It was the first time though, the audience could have been surprised if there would have been any, for the Trophy indeed is utterly dull and therefore remains unattended by any spectator whatsoever - if not the referee, and three IOC officials.

A team of eighty three genuine Antarctic penguins gathered for what commonly was believed to be an easy walk over. Much to their own surprise, they saw themselves faced to what seemed to be eighty three non-Antarctic penguins, ready to take over the Antarctic Penguin supremacy. They teamed up under the name 'Other Penguins'.
The referee decided for the Penguin League Trophy to take place regardless of nationality, this after consulting two IOC officials. The third already went home because his wife was delivering a baby. We hereby congratulate the happy family.

Although the Other Penguins won the Trophy by landslide, one couldn't help but notice there was something terribly wrong. A first give away could have been the sheer fact the Other Penguins had a manager. Which may not seem odd at all, considering the money involved in sports these days, but in order to have a manager, one should at least be able to talk, write or comprehend things and to this day, science has not yet been able to prove or at least show signs of the ability of penguins on that matter.

A second indication was that the Trophy was all too easily won by the Other Penguins and shortly afterwards they started partying throwing their hands in the air, just like they didn't care. They drank Heineken, too.

It was at that point the fraud became all too apparent and suspicions arose amongst the officials. For one, real penguins do not dance. Moreover they do not have hands to be thrown in the air, and even Penguins are believed to positively refuse to drink Heineken or at least throw up when they really, really have to drink it. The mere addition of those assumptions was enough for the referee and all three officials to start investigating more closely on the Other Penguins. The third official had meanwhile returned, since the Trophy lasts for like, five years.

Approaching the Other Penguins the officials could not help but notice poorly stitched black and white patch work. And soon it became clear the eighty three team members of the Other Penguins were actually Albanian midgets wearing penguin disguises, in search of a better future. Because it really sucks being a midget in Albania.